little leaving questionary

WHEN? I will be leaving on Sunday the 26th of April and I’ll arrive to Helsinki on Tuesday morning, the 28th. That means about 10 days to go.

WHAT'S ON MY TRAVEL AGENDA? Brisbane - Melbourne (2h45min) - Singapore (9h10min) - Helsinki (13h10min), altogether 25h05min flying, altogether 50h45min including stops. I am so excited I have an opportunity to see Melbourne even though it’s only for couple of hours. At least I can say I’ve been there afterwards. I’m staying in Melbourne overnight and on the following days I’m heading to Singapore with a decent nine hour flight. After a five and half hour stop I’ll jump to a plane again and suffer for those very terrifying 13 hours. And let me reming you, I’m seriously not able to sleep in any transportation.

HOW DO I FEEL? I am beyond excited about going back home to my family and friends and the life I know the best. I deal good byes well… actually I don’t really deal with them. For me saying good bye is just words, empty words. For some reason the fact that I’m going to ‘lose’ someone just doesn’t sink in to my consciousness. So I’m doing well on farewell-wise. Going back feels very unreal. It feels even more unreal than leaving in the first place. To be completely honest, I am scared of going back because I think I know what’s waiting over there but I’m scared I’m gonna be wrong and nothing’s like I used to know it.

WHAT AM I EXPECTING TO HAPPEN ONCE I ARRIVE HOME? I expect things to be to same which is a silly expectation because I know that’s not gonna happen. Things are going to be different and it’s me who has to adjust in again. I will find it difficult to speak my own language full time. I will question everything. I will turn 18 which practically means I am expected to be a grown up. I am expected to learn how to drive a car {and I really want to} and deal with things by myself {which is what I’ve been doing for the past nine months}. I am expected to know a lot and be able to tell what these months have been like. Yeah, like that’s going to happen any time soon. This is a lot to take in and it takes a while to digest even a small part of this experience. But then life will go on and it’s going to feel like I never left.

AM I PANICKING OR AM I EXCITED TO GO? I am very excited about going. And then comes a moment when I would want to stay and forget about the other life I used to have. I often say I’d stay here for the rest of my life if I could bring my family and friends over from Finland and New Zealand. Lucky me, the world is getting smaller and smaller because of internet. Having your friends in the other end of the line and actually seeing them on the screen is still not the same as actually being with them but it’s still one helluva great invention, Skype I mean. Also, as I told earlier, I don’t do this thing called good byes: wether I know I’m going to see them again or not my brain simply doesn’t understand ‘this is it’. 

As another exchange student stated: I am just mentally extremely exhausted but it was worth it.